voteani

These places in your mind
Tend to exist only for a while
a split second
when you're falling asleep
to the buzz of the highway
someone pinch me please
so i can feel something real
i'll lie with my thoughts
i see my breath
inhaled by the vision of you

Did i foreget to mention ThE jUnGlE? Ok, Mandy & Warsh & Tay & I had this crazy idea to go to this stupid club because we were intrigued by it. We got a whole bunch of people to go and shit. I decided to drink, and downed my bottle of brandy... So i would tell you about the club... but i can't really cuz i don't remember much. I remember there were 2 rooms and one played techno and the other rap... but other then that i know absolutely nothing. Oh yeah! I danced with one person the entire time. Yeah... that's where the memory kinda/sorta gets fuzzy. Yup... peace. Wait... and yeah kindaaa excited for HC(s). Don't know who to go with @ Central, but Pewaukee's should be fun.

Went to Peters' dorm last night. Watched "Something About Mary." Went home and passed out. Now i have to write a fucking stupid paper and clean my car...yayy...
SeT tHe CoNtRoLs FoR tHe HeArT oF tHe SuN

Thanks for everyone who showed up for my birthday! It meant a lot to me :)












thinking of you, thinking of you, thinking...

I know when things are wrong, believe me, but when i get an impulse to do something... i have to do it. It feels right. That's all i have to say really i think.



Pale angel go away
Come again some other day
The devil has my ear today
I'll never hear of what you say
Promised I would find a little solace
And some piece of mind
Whatever just as long as I don't feel so

Desperate and Ravenous
I'm so weak and powerless over you
Desperate and Ravenous
I'm so weak and powerless
over you -a perfect circle : weak and powerless

Mandy turned 18 on the 22nd, so we went down to Roshambo for coffee and such. She got a car and its name is Suzy :) I love Mandy & Taylor!




Lying through your teeth again
Suicidal imbecile... j.

goodbye to my vivid memory of you
moving in the dark
grasping my heart
with your bleeding hand
i was your sleeping beauty
drinking in your bed
fan on high
sleeping in the woods
i can see my breath
cops are here
hide the booze
unzip our tent
kiss my head
pry open my third eye
as we fly so high
i'm not lying
i love you
take that hit
hold my hand towards the sun
cry with me
i don't want to go
be there when i get out
on a cold night
i picked up the phone
you cried and apologized
you waited for me
get in the car
2 in the morning
drive to our spot
you are sorry
holding my head
kissing me
you didn't know
i kept it a secret
terrified, that's why
insecure
i'm not anymore
it's happened twice
you were right
i'm not good for you
this world's a perfect circle
it comes back around
break the ring
restores the sanity?
exhausted and betrayed
the shells spelled it out... they really did...
don't you see?

Sooo... not to keep talking about Mandy & Bri & Peters... but they are like my only friends now since i never see anyone. Anyway! We went to Bri's lake house and ran around in our swim suits...naked... and then we watched the storm outside and Stormtracker John Peters told us the direction of every shifting wind! Then we went to get ice cream and ended up in Whitewater with a sticky seat! No, that's not what you're thinking... Mands spilled ice cream... That sent Brian over the edge, literally. He pulled over (quickly and with a sudden jerk) to the side of the road. He got out, and slammed the door. So i stripped and clean the ice cream with my Doors shirt (sorry JiM). But! We made it home! So it's all okay! And all of us still love eachother! So it's alriiight. Then Mandy and i stayed up till 4 this morning talking about EVERYTHING and smoking out her window. Then we passed out and came to my house!
*****
Will someone please call a surgeon
Who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart
That your're deserting for better company
I can't accept that it's over...
And I will block the door like a goalie tending the net
In the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry
(OnE mOrE dAy TiLl ReAlItY sEtS iN... i'Ll MiSs YoU)
*****
P.S. AshO...mmmm... noott a good situation... But i've got it all on tape...
(Idk Mandy, some girls are just bitches... they just don't change. It's ok though, cuz you gots a bitch to watch your back as your bestfriend) Love you.

So... Brian and i hopped on a jet ski today for a harmless cruise around the lake. That is, until Bri decided to drive right through a flock of birds. One hit me in the head and the other bounced off my shoulder and hit Brian. Scary. To make matters worse we went back to see the damage we had created... one bird couldn't fly anymore! That bird is gonna drown in the lake cuz it can't get out. It's all our fault. Anyway... I'm excited for tomorrow! Mands and Peters come out to the lake with us!

Last night... let's see... oh yeah! Brian and i picked up Peters @ Davidson and then picked up Mandy. Then we headed out to the "Mexican Place" in Oconomowoc... but we didn't make it there b/c Bri wanted to get shoes at his house... and then we just ended up staying there. It was a lot of fun even though i'm really confused as to what went on. All i do know for sure is that my hair smells like cinnamon air freshener (damn you mandy)! Well, it was fun guys and Thursday will be fun too... JET SKIS!

Mandy's PUNCH LINE to her 5 minute story last night: "We were gonna beep"
-good one mandy... good one...


"And i don't want to get caught up in anyathat funky shit goin' down in the city"

Here's the rap on me...
Full Name: Carly Kilbourn Nelson
Spell your first name backwards: ylrac
Where do you live? Brookfield
School: Brookfield Central
Nationality: White
4 words that sum you up: crazy, outspoken, spontaneous, listener
DESCRIBE YOUR:
[Wallet]: empty
[Hairbrush]: i lost it
[Jewelry worn daily]: hemp necklace, bracelet from Costa Rica
[Pillow cover]: tye-dye
[Shoes]: birks, adidas sandels, or none
[Handbag]: HATE THEM... long, purple bag
[Cologne/Perfume]: Clinique, Happy to Be
[CD in stereo right now]: Phish 6.26.04 Disc 2 (it's phunky)
[Piercing]: Ears, Nose
[What you are wearing now]: Cords, Doors T-shirt
[Listening to]: Rage Against the Machine - Know Your Enemy (Feat: Maynard!!)
[Hair]: Long, dirty blonde, messy
[height]: 5'3"
[weight]: 120
[clothing]: Casual, comfortable, represent me
[Makeup]: Light brozer, somtimes some mascara
[In my mouth]: nothing thanks
[In my head]: Tool- Stinkfist
[Wishing]: I could go back in time
[After this]: Going jet-skiing with Bri
[Talking to]: Was talkin' to Peters
[Feeling]: Lonely
[last bought]: Green Tea
[last read]: ESPN Mag (B/c there was an article on Mat Hoffman...)
[last watched on TV]: Fuse
[last watched at the movies]: Um... Batman Begins
[last phone number you called]: Brian
[last time you showered]: This morning
[Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming month]: My birthday
[Something that you are deathly afraid of?]: Drive Thrus
[Do you like candles]: Yeah, Spice smelling ones
[Do you like incense]: Very much, Nag Champa : Agarbatti... That's my favorite

[Do you believe in love]: yes
[Do you believe in soulmates]: yes
[Do you believe in forgiveness]: somtimes
[Do you believe that people can remain faithful forever]: yes
[If you could have any animal for a pet]: Hmm... a husky puppy
[What are 3 cities you wouldn't mind relocating to?]: Rome, New York Ciry, San Dieo
In the last 24 hours have you...
Cried: yes
Bought something: yes
Gotten sick: no
Sang: yes
Eaten: yes
Been kissed: yes
Felt stupid: yes
Met someone new: yes
Talked to an ex: no
Missed an ex: idk
Talked to someone you have a crush on: no
Had a serious talk: kinda
Hugged someone: yes
Fought with your parents: no
Dreamed about someone you can't be with: no

[Social life]:
Favorite Hobby: hanging out with friends and listening to music
Are you center of attention or the wallflower: both
What type automobile do you drive: Jeep Wrangler
What type automobile do you wish you drove: Hmm... a brand new Toyota Supra
Would you rather be with friends or on a date: depends
Where is the best hangout: parks, people's houses, most ideal... the beach
Do you have a job: yup
Do you attend church: hell no
Have you known the longest: Mandy
Do you argue the most with: Brian
Do you always get along with: Mandy, Taylor, Warsh
Is the most trustworthy: Mandy
Makes you laugh the most: Peters
Has been there through all the hard times: Brian & Mandy & Peters
Has the coolest parents: Peters
Has the coolest siblings: Trevor
Is the smartest: Don't think there is one...
Who is your role model: Ani Difranco
What are some of your pet peeves: slow drivers, buicks, annoying girls, drive thrus
Have you ever cried over the opposite sex: yuuuup
Rather be dumper or dumped: mutal break up (ha)
Do you want to get married: yes
Do you want kids: yes
If you could change something in your life right now, what would it be?: My weight
club or house party: house party
tea or coffee: both
high achiever or easy-going: in the middle
be like: MySeLf yo
food: ice cream
drink: coffee
color: green
song: Amber- 311
rebellious: vote ani: am i rebellious? Penny lane 211: duh
outgoing: yes
shy: sometimes
independent: usually
friendly: when i want to be
play an instrument: used to play violin, guitar but i suck
have any gay or lesbian friends: yup quite a few
believe in magic: idk
have any secrets: a lot
have any pets: 2 cats, 1 dog, 1 puppy
go to or plan to go to college: yes
like sarcasm: yup
sing in the shower: haha yeah

I was just thinking about everyone that has helped me so much this year. I want to thank all of you because without you, i might have ended up back at the place where i started. I love all of you, even though one of you i hurt. I'm sorry about that, too. I'm going to make things happen this year. For those of you that are off to college... Good luck and i'll miss you! I'll see you guys soon...



When you’re strange
Faces come out of the rain
When you’re strange
No one remembers your name
When you’re strange
(I'm gonna miss you...So glad to see you well) j.



Stoned Peters: "The moon is as big as the sun! I want candy!"


All of you, including peters, have changed my life...

Well, i came home the other day and there's a new puppy at my house. I guess my mom wanted a puppy so my dad went out and got her one. However, i'm the one that's up at 1 am because the little thing is crying. Anyway, i spent the day at Bri's lake house yesterday and we went out on the wave-runners for a couple hours (they only go up to 50mph). Today should be interesting... making sure the puppy doesn't eat our TV...

And as the walls come down. and as I look in your eyes. my fear begins to fade. recalling all of the times. I have died, and will die.
It's all right. I don't mind. I don't mind.


I am too connected to you. to slip away, to fade away. days away I still feel you. touching me. changing me. and considerately killing me.

Went to Davidson last night for a little while and watched Arshish, Jake, Sam, and Thiedie chuck a hackey sack at Dowdy's ass for like 30 minutes. That was actually really funny. Joe and some other people came so i had to leave.
Then i went to dinner with Brian and then his house and watched a movie. I couldn't get to sleep till 330 this morning because of the damn adderall! To make it even gayer my kitten attacked me while i was on the adderall until 330 this morning. Today's Brian's family party at the lake...and then Pewaukee party tonight. Oh god...
Mandy comes home tomorrow!

This is my first time writing one of these journal things... so here it goes. I didn't get home till 3 am this morning cuz i fell asleep at Brian's (again). I was so tired, but i told Joe i would take him out to breakfast at 9, so i had to wake my ass up. I went to breakfast with him and we talked and stuff. Sometimes it's awkward knowing all that went on between us. He's going to college in a matter of days and i won't see him for a really really long time. I'm gonna miss him a lot. I'm starting to move on with my life. Things are over between Joe and i, and my motto is "You're an asshole, but i'm getting used to you." That way when he feeds me a lot of bullshit i can kind of shrug it off.
Summer's almost over. Registration was the other day and i wanted to KILL MYSELF when i saw some of those people. I wanna get out of here. I just have to keep thinking that it's Senior year and i'm almost out...